Why We’re Delaying Baby No.2.

With Oakley growing up I get the same questions asked over and over again… “Isn’t it time for baby No.2?” ” Are you not going to try for a girl?”
It can’t just be me who gets annoyed by these questions? I mean, I get why people ask them and mostly it’s older family or friends who have more than one child.
Before I get into this, this is based on my own views and opinions…

But still, no is the answer to both of these questions. These are not only ridiculous questions, but also can be quite a sensitive subject for some. You have no idea what people may be going through, infertility, trauma, loss… While there are many factors at play here, the most important one is time for baby No.2 is when we are ready for baby No.2, not when people think we should be having it. Now, if that was all, it would make for a super boring blog post. Right now we are so happy and content with Oakley, 1 child. If you’ve spent time with him, you will know how full on he is and that he’s plenty enough!!! (He’s bonkers!) Raising a child is no walk in the park, not just physically, but mentally and even emotionally it is super hard! I’ve always been honest and open about my mental health and right now or even any time in the very near future, adding another baby will potentially cause me to fall backwards in the progress I have made. I found early motherhood so challenging. I struggled with the lack of sleep, the baby who won’t settle and even the pressures of how to feed your baby… As much as I feel I am much more prepared with knowledge, in my head I am not ready for it in practice.

Should I feel selfish when we tell people that we’re not even sure if we want another child? They give you this look as if you’re the last couple on planet Earth and the Human race will die out if you decide to only have one child! Is it selfish? Am I being unfair on Oakley potentially making him an only child? We want to give all of our time to him, making memories while we can because let’s be honest, kids cost the absolute earth! Yes, yes I know the whole “You don’t need to spend money to make memories” BUT we want to… We want to go on Disney trips, give him the big Christmas mornings, huge Birthday cakes and the yearly holidays that I never had. Before people come at me with the whole “money is not important as long as he is loved thats the main thing!” While this is all very true, wanting to give him all of those things doesn’t make him any less loved by anyone.
“Oh but he needs a sibling to play ” But does he? Does he really? “How will he learn to share” That’s what he goes to nursery for, to build his confidence and his social skills… I’m a qualified nursery practitioner, I know how it works. Along with nursery, good parenting and communication also help build those skills. Oakley is our focus and he always will be until WE are ready to add to our family. With the right up bringing and experiences there’s no need for an only child to become a “brat.” We fully intend to bring Oakley up so that he knows that life doesn’t always go your way, you don’t always get everything we want. If you want something bad enough you will work hard to get it. The world doesn’t work that way, Kid. Sorry. But either way if he ends up a brat or not, how the hell is that anyones business, but ours.

“Oh you need to have a girl, one of each is the best” OK. If and when we decide to have another baby, why is there this need for it to be a girl?! Maybe we don’t want to have a girl? I mean, I’m sure having a daughter after being a boy mum is wonderful and I’m sure I would absolutely love it… Until she turns 14 and morphs into the teenager my mum had to deal with… *shudders* then I think would definitely have to consider adoption or a boot camp for girls who make their mums lives a living misery.
Before you make this comment, surely a healthy baby is the up most important factor over the gender of a baby? I would be happy as larry in a house ruled by boys! At least I’ll have them looking out for their mama! Ain’t no one gon’ mess with me!

So there is it, just a short explanation on why we haven’t yet had baby No.2. I feel a lot of people will relate to this, but also have their own experience and reasonings behind THEIR choices.

If you’ve read this and don’t understand, I understand. People shouldn’t be choice- shammed for how they choose to live their own lives, people always feel the need to give their unwanted opinion on subjects that regard having children or more children. Why is there so much judgment around wanting/not wanting babies!

Thanks so much for reading, I would love to know your thoughts and how YOU decided when and whether you would add to your family? Let me know!



Hannah xox